Behind Closed Doors

Aug12

I wrote this in regards to another post I read somewhere and as I went back to it, about a month after I read it, I thought it would be a good thing to share. What you’re going to read is just a small piece of what our family went thru during a very hard time. I’ll add a few details at the end. Please, share with me, either publicly or in private, if you’re experiencing or have experienced something like this. We can walk together.

As a Christian mom my child, who was raised in church her entire life, walked away from the church and from us. It took 8 years of her diving into witchcraft, into the most awful of things, for her to finally have the demons come off and for her to return home, return to Jesus. As hard as she ran towards the devil, she’s running even harder towards Jesus!

When our children sin, and we’re in the church, or in our case, my husband an elder and then later a pastor and I, with my Hadassah Ministry, people look to you as the one in fault. However, we as Christian parents, followers of Christ, just one thing can happen that can cause a child to stumble and we can’t catch them. But guess who can?!?! HIM! Jesus!! We can miss just ONE thing and that child can spiral out of control. Well, guess who had His eye on everything and missed NOTHING?!? JESUS!

As parents, we all beat ourselves up over guilt, don’t we? What did we miss? How could we have made changes that might have made a difference? All of this in the midst of incredible judgment because of church leadership (this is generalized and NOT specific.). I remember talking with my youngest daughter about this and she said something that stuck with me and really helped me in my guilt and my reluctance to post about what was happening behind our closed doors and within our broken hearts. She said, “Mama, don’t you think there are other moms out there who are going through this very same thing? Don’t you think they need someone to tell them they’re not alone? To tell them it’s possible to be a Christian mom and still have a child choose free will over the way they were raised? Don’t you think they need to hear that? So talk about it, share it, and remember who YOU are in Jesus because that’s the one thing that has NOT changed!” Wise kid, no?

So friends, when our children in the church sin in such way that it’s public and everyone can see, don’t hide in shame, walk in the truth. The truth of how you raised your child. If you’ve truly raised them in The Word and you’ve modeled your life after His, you have no reason to hide. Come into the light so that others know they aren’t alone.

Finally, for those of you who have NOT had a child like this, but have seen it happen in your church, be it a big church or a small one, DON’T whisper about that family, DON’T judge them, DON’T isolate yourselves from them, and DON’T give them a wide berth when they come in for service as if what they’re going thru will rub off on you. Instead, GO to that family and ask what you can do for them. Recognize their pain and walk beside them. We are called to be one body and when one part hurts, we should ALL hurt.

It might sound odd, but one of the best things a gal from my church did for me was on my first Mother’s Day without both of my girls. It was in the middle of praise and worship and something was said about it being Mother’s Day. I couldn’t keep it in so I just got myself into the bathroom as quickly as possible. A beautiful gal named Carmen came in after me, told me she loved me and then asked me if we were going anywhere nice for lunch. She didn’t ask me about all of the sordid details going on and she didn’t ask how my day to day was. She simply brought me into that moment and turned my brain away from the pain and into one where someone was just curious about something as so simple as lunch. I can’t explain it, but it somehow released me from that temporary pain I was in. And as it often does as I write these posts I just realized why it worked. It unlocked me from being in all of the hurt that had been happening up until that time and what her question did for me was to look at the future. Even if it was just lunch. I had to stop the crying enough to think about her question and then answer her and that took my mind off of the pain and focused me back in the present and looking towards the future. Such a simple question. “Are you going anywhere nice for lunch?”

I asked her, about a year later why she did that and she said she figured I didn’t need someone to make me cry more. She was right. I didn’t. God used her to help me. It took many more sleepless nights and many, many more tears shed, but my family came thru it and we know that we can go thru whatever we need to.

We had many, many people come to us and share their stories that they’d dealt with when it came to their children. Things that were hard, things that could have been devastating and irrevocably damaging to their lives and, in some cases, it was. However, all of theirs was behind closed doors and they felt like they were alone, that no other parent friend of theirs was facing anything like it. One gal said it was a parent’s, “hidden shame,” because none of us want to be seen as bad parents. Especially when you know how you’ve raised them. I had an epiphany one day and it finally gave me the peace God’s been trying to get thru my thick skull. It only took 8 years. It’s this: I raised my kids in love. No matter what I may have gotten right or wrong, I raised them in love. God reminded me that I never put them down, said anything other than lifting them up or encouraging them, and that I’ve always wanted the best for them. I raised them in love.

So, if you’re experiencing something behind closed doors with your children, please don’t hesitate to reach out to someone you trust to walk with you. You don’t have to go it alone.

The Word of God says we are to look at ourselves soberly. Do we as parents get it perfect? Heck no! However, are you raising your child in love? That’s what you need to ask yourself. Then, be quiet and listen for the truth in the answer.

Our Plan versus God’s plan.

Apr17

Tonight I read Genesis chapters 11-15. Within 2 chapters there is a great example as to something that’s what we want compared to something God wants us to have.

In Genesis chapter 11 is the telling of the tower of Babel. It starts off simple with them just settling down, making bricks. It’s verse 4 that I want to highlight.

“Then they said, “Come, let’s build a great city for ourselves with a tower that reaches into the Sky. This will make us famous and keep us from being scattered all over the world.”

Did you catch that? “This will make us FAMOUS.”

In today’s world, it seems like everyone wants to be famous. They want to “go viral,” have a million subscribers on their YouTube channel, be a TikTok sensation, or anything else along those lines. Something, anything, that gets them a platform on the world stage.

I know that I’ve thought about it a time or two. My husband and I met doing stand up comedy. You don’t do that and not think about, “hitting it big.” I’ve even done it with this ministry. Not, “hitting it big,” but doing more guest speaking engagements and women’s retreats like I’ve done in the past.

However, we must ask ourselves a critical question: is this what I want or is it what God wants for me?

In regards to the tower of Babel, we know the answer to that question. God did NOT approve of the tower and so He confused the people with different different languages and scattered them all around the world. In other words, the very things they didn’t want to happen did. They didn’t become famous in their time and they were scattered.

In chapter 12, verse 2, we find out what happens when we’re on God’s plan.

“I will make into a great nation. I will bless you and make you famous, and you will be a blessing to others.”

He then goes on to say that, in regards to Abram and his people, that He will bless those who bless them and curse those who curse them. That thru Abram all the families on earth will be blessed.

Do you notice the difference between the two? The first example shows a group of people who want to rely on themselves and not God, the One who made them. The second example shows a group of people who serve the Lord and want to live by His will for Him.

As Christians, we must always seek to walk in the path that Jesus has laid before us. If we don’t, our path may lead us to our own personal Babylon. Sleep well, my friends.

Teaching Our Children

Mar19

Two nights ago…yes, I’m aware I’m missing nights here and there; I’m sorry…I started to read chapters 26-30 of Genesis. I didn’t make it past Genesis 26:7-9.

In just 2 short verses something really stood out to me. Read the passage and let’s see if you’ll see what I do.

“When the men who lived there asked Isaac about his wife, Rebekah, he said, “She is my sister.” He was afraid to say, “She is my wife.” He thought, “They will kill me to get her, because she is so beautiful.” But some time later, Abimelech, king of the Philistines, looked out his window and saw Isaac caressing Rebekah. Immediately, Abimelech called for Isaac and exclaimed, “She is obviously your wife! Why did you say, ‘She is my sister’?” “Because I was afraid someone would kill me to get her from me,” Isaac replied.”
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Isaac repeated the EXACT same sin his father, Abraham, did with his wife, Sarah. We know that Isaac had yet to be born when Abraham committed this sin, TWICE, so he wasn’t around to witness it. So I got to thinking, I know! Shocker! 🧐

I thought about how we are with our girls, how we teach them, spend time with them, laugh with them, learn with, and from them, and everything else that entails a relationship with them. I got to thinking about how Isaac did the same thing his father did. How did he think to do it? I think he probably heard the story told a time or two. Now this is all conjecture on my part, but can’t you just see it? Isaac with his father, Abraham, working together, chatting as they’re going about their daily routine, and his dad told him some of the things he did in his life. Like the lie of saying Sarah was his sister instead of his wife.

So! Is this a possibility of Isaac learning a sin that he was taught by his father? It’s possible.

The thing to think about as parents is simple: what am I teaching them? They’re not just hearing our words. They’re seeing our actions. They’re seeing us steal glances at our spouses or girlfriend or friends. They’re seeing us physically react to things happening around us. They pick up on EVERYTHING!

One of my children is so good at observing people that she can tell when someone’s upset just by their texts. I asked her to explain it to me and she said that she can tell by the way they type if the person is ok versus mad versus sad versus happy. She can tell by their lack of punctuation, word choice, etc. She’s done it to me and she’s very accurate. If she can do that with just texts, imagine what she picked up around her as she was growing up. 😳

So, as parents we need to make sure we’re doing our best to set good examples for our children. Have I always done that? Nope! You know why? I’m not perfect! There’s no handbook for this parenting stuff. 😬 However! I do my best and I’ve come to a point where I realized that my choices as a parent were all made out of love for my girls. One constant I’ve told my girls and still do is this: My mom was a better mom than my Mamaw, and I wanted to be a better mom than my mom and I want my girls to be a better mom than I am and, eventually, they should want their children to be better moms than they are. The reason I can say this so freely is because my mom showed me it’s possible to be a better parent when it’s your turn because you learn from the wisdom of the women who went before you. Thank you, Mom. 🥰

So just remember, you’re always teaching your children, even if you’re silent as a church mouse. Sleep well, my friends.

A Love So Strong

Mar12

I took some time off from posting because I’ve not been on top of my game. I apologize. I was, however, mulling over the last 5 chapters I read and what they meant to me, what spoke to me.

Usually it’s a verse or two that captures my heart and I just know God’s talking to me. I’ve had people ask me how I know this. My answer is simple: I know it to be so when I go back and read the posts I’ve written and I remember none of what I’ve written. It’s like I’m reading it for the first time. There are a few here and there that struck me so deeply that I cannot forget them, but the majority of them I don’t remember writing. That’s how I know it isn’t me saying what I want to say, it isn’t me manipulating God’s Word to fit what I want it to say for my own personal reasons. I’m always careful as to what I write and I always ask Jeff for his input, always after I’ve posted, and he always agrees with what I’ve written. That’s another indicator to me that it isn’t me manipulating God’s Word because Jeff is the best man I know when it comes to one who seeks after God’s own heart.

This time, however, I was impressed with a simple thought of love. Abraham’s love for Sarah, their love for their child, Isaac. Isaac’s love for his parents, and his love for his wife, Rebekah.

Abraham loved Sarah so much that when they thought they wouldn’t have children, he accepted her wishes and took her maid and had a child with her. Then, when they had Isaac and Hagar was getting…high and mighty…when Sarah asked Abraham to kick her out of the home, he did so for he loved Sarah.

Abraham loved GOD so much that he was willing to sacrifice his one and only son, Isaac. Where else do we see this image? You see, Abraham knew, he KNEW God promised him that, thru his seed, Isaac, his descendants couldn’t be numbered. It isn’t until the New Testament that we learn that in Abraham’s inner thoughts he reasoned within himself that God would simply bring Isaac back to life because he KNEW God doesn’t break His promises to His people. Due to all of that, he was faithful in his love to God and God provided the sacrifice for him.

Abraham loved Sarah so much that when she died he sought to buy a tomb to bury her in. He was a stranger in a strange land at he bought a field with beautiful trees and a tomb to bury his beloved Sarah in. Although the person who owned the tomb, which is all that Abraham initially asked for, said he’d give Abraham not only the tomb but also the field as well, Abraham declined. He wanted to pay for her final resting place. It was important to him. He paid 400 pieces of silver, which in those times was a lot of money. So you could say he spared no expense for her final resting place.

Abraham loved his son so much that in his old age he sent his servant back to his homeland, to his relatives, to find Isaac a wife. He wanted to find a bride for him of his own people. Abraham’s servant did as he was instructed and when he reached Abraham’s homeland, the servant prayed to the Lord, asking Him to show him which woman He wanted to wed Isaac. Immediately we see Rebekah come into view.

When Rebekah comes to Isaac, she sees him walking in the fields and asked who he was. Upon learning it was Isaac, she covered her face with a veil and went to him. In Genesis 24:67b it says “He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother.”

When Abraham died, he had 8 sons but he gave everything he had to Isaac. Before he died, he gave gifts to each of his other sons and, “sent them off to a land in the east, away from Isaac.” I believe this was also done in love for Isaac, but also for his other sons. For Isaac because it keeps his brothers from coveting what was rightfully his, and for Abraham’s other sons to not feel anger upon seeing all that Isaac had compared to them. This isn’t, to my knowledge, written about in the Bible, but I kind of wonder if the brothers born after Isaac were given enough to be satisfied and sure to have a good footing in their lives.

So, what do you think? Do you see what I see? A common thread of love running thru these chapters? Please, read them for yourselves! Sleep well, my friends.

Continuous Sin

Mar3

Tonight’s reading was Genesis 15-20. In chapter 20 we learn of Abraham telling King Abimelech that Sarah is his sister. This is something he did regularly. Now, technically…technically…he wasn’t lying. They had the same father but different mothers so it was true. However, he used this truth for his benefit. So that, my friends, is a sin! We know, according to Scripture, he did this more than twice.

Genesis 20:9-13

”Then Abimelech called for Abraham. “What have you done to us?” he demanded. “What crime have I committed that deserves treatment like this, making me and my kingdom guilty of this great sin? No one should ever do what you have done! Whatever possessed you to do such a thing?” Abraham replied, “I thought, ‘This is a godless place. They will want my wife and will kill me to get her.’ And she really is my sister, for we both have the same father, but different mothers. And I married her. When God called me to leave my father’s home and to travel from place to place, I told her, ‘Do me a favor. Wherever we go, tell the people that I am your brother.’”

Not only did he do this multiple times but he also profited off of it multiple times as well because the men who took Sarah and then found out who she was were so shaken up over what they had almost done to God’s anointed that they gave Abraham, “compensation.”

Genesis 20:14-16

”Then Abimelech took some of his sheep and goats, cattle, and male and female servants, and he presented them to Abraham. He also returned his wife, Sarah, to him. Then Abimelech said, “Look over my land and choose any place where you would like to live.” And he said to Sarah, “Look, I am giving your ‘brother’ 1,000 pieces of silver in the presence of all these witnesses. This is to compensate you for any wrong I may have done to you. This will settle any claim against me, and your reputation is cleared.”

This sin was a continuous sin. Don’t we all have that in our lives? Sin that we keep repeating and keep repenting for? Telling white lies? Watching a tv show or movie that may not always be the best choice. Listening to music that doesn’t honor God?

Folks, we will NEVER be sin free in this world. It just isn’t possible. We all know the phrase, “I’m human.” I couldn’t help looking at her/him…come on! I’m only human! Because we’re human we’ll NEVER be sin free. We will always screw up, always say, act, or behave in ways that are contradictory to our Christian faith. Why? We’re only humans.

We aren’t Jesus Christ. We’re not God the Father. We’re not the Holy Spirit. And ya know what folks? They don’t expect us to be! Jesus expects us to walk with Him, to follow His path, to follow His Father’s commandments, but He knows we’re flawed and always will be until the day comes that He returns again.

If some Christian talks with you and says they don’t sin anymore, please, please, check for their hidden batteries because they’re either robots or not true Christians.

My Bible speaks of men and women who were flawed, who sinned, who made the wrong choices, and were punished for their sins. Nowhere within it does it say someone is without sin. It does say there’s only one who’s without sin and that is Jesus Christ Himself and I know that isn’t me.

So what is your continuous sin? Pray about it, ask Jesus to help you overcome it and then keep praying for what comes next. He’s there, watching over you and loving you.

Sleep well, my friends.

Narrow is the Way

Feb25

Tonight I read Genesis 5-10. This is the story that tells us about the flood. I actually remember what I wrote about these chapters when I did this back in 2012 because it really left a strong impression in my heart. What struck me last time was the fact that God ordered Noah to cover the ark with pitch (tar) on both the inside AND the outside. I remember thinking how odd that was because only the outside of the ark was going to be touching the water and then an actual image came to me. An image that not only do we need our armor on the outside, but also on the inside. Our outside needs to reflect what’s going on in our inside…or something to that effect. Tonight, what caught my eye was Genesis 7:16b “Then the Lord closed the door behind them.”

Now why is that in there? Who cares who shuts the door on the ark? Is it that big a deal that it was God who closed the door and not Noah? Does it make a difference? It does!

The Lord closing the door Himself signifies many things. It shows His protection of those who truly know Him and seek Him in all their ways, such as Noah and his family. It shows His presence in the midst of judgment and it foreshadows judgment and that whoever enters thru the doorway will be saved.

It also gives imagery to Jesus who says in John 10:9, “I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved.” God was the one who closed the door for Noah and his family after they walked thru it to their salvation.

So friends! What about you? Have you walked thru that door? If you have, tell us your story; if you haven’t, please think about it before it’s too late. I’m here if you have questions or you can go to someone else in your life who’s a Christian. Just don’t put it off because none of us are promised a tomorrow. Sleep well, my friends.

Lather, Rinse, and Repeat.

Mar23

Jeff and I have a special pup, Essie, with a very unique and fascinating personality. Small backstory, she’s the runt of the litter at just 5 pounds. She was a gift to me from very dear friends a year after my beloved Greyhound, Cry Baby (her racing name,) passed away. Essie’s parents and siblings are all quite bigger than her and our friends who gifted her to us said they’ve never seen a dog with such a personality. She is part of my joy in this awful world. A natural anti-depressant if you will.

As time goes by, it seems like we’re seeing more and more of her funny quirks and newest tricks. Essie is 3 and a half years old, yet she still looks like a puppy because she only weighs 5 pounds. Those 5 pounds pack in a lot of tricks and pranks which bring Jeff and me a lot of joy and laughter.

When she was just 4 months old, we moved into our forever home and she decided to pee in my bed. Right between my legs where I didn’t feel it until I moved to turn over. This was around 3 in the morning and so I was tired and decided to see what Essie would do if I “called her out” on it. So I pulled out my camera and started rolling. This precious girl, when I asked her if she peed in the bed, went and tried to hide under the pillows. She did this several times so I knew she knew what she was doing. She was taking purposeful action. Which, come on! How adorable is that!?!

Around 6 months old, she was laying with me and she wanted something that was on my bedside table. So she whined, making me think she needed me to take her outside. I’d get up, put my slippers on, walk around the bed towards the door, expecting her to be there, but nope! No Essie! Where was she? She was trying to get at the thing that was on my bedside table. I chalked it up to a fluke. No way she figured out such a detailed trick to get her desired goal. Nope! She did it 2 other times, both of those times it ended with me turning and finding her trying to get onto the table.

Fast forward to a few days ago. Now Essie is 4 years old and has turned into a 5 pound barking machine. We’re constantly getting on her about it. She gets a bone every day; and every day she eats it in the same spot. It went something like this: I tossed Essie her bone which she joyfully takes. Essie drops bone on the couch to bark at something she sees outside that she MUST alert her humans about RIGHT NOW or they may suffer a horrible and painful death by tinkling wind chimes. I go over, tell her to stop barking and to eat her bone, which she does while side eyeing me. As soon as I walk out of her line of sight, she starts barking up a storm…again! I then repeat the process for a second time. Same result, barking stopped, side eyeing of her human while gnawing on the bone. Out of sight, she barks again. This time I come back in and she sees I’m done so she decides to have mercy on her human, stops barking and enthusiastically gnaws on her morning bone.

I think you may now understand the title of this blog, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat.” Did you think it was going to be about shampoo?? Do you remember that phrase being on the back of the shampoo bottles and in the commercials? I wholeheartedly believe the shampoo titans gathered and said, “Yes, let’s still compete, but can we agree on the phrase. “Lather, Rinse, Repeat,” to be put on every bottle? This allows all of us to earn double while still having “friendly” competition.” They ran a racket for years getting us to buy double the shampoo!! BOOOOOOO!!!!

But…I digress! That’s the phrase that popped into my head when I started thinking about her trying many times over the years to get her way by tricks and subterfuge. She was trying to get her way; to get around her human. Her rule maker. She thought, “Out of sight, out of mind.” Now, did she really think that? If you watch YouTube you can see all kinds of videos of dogs that have been supposedly trained to push buttons that tell their owner what they want. Go check it out. HEY!!!! NOT YET!!! Finish the blog first!

So I got to thinking about her trying to get around her rule maker. Then I thought about myself, trying to get around my rule maker, God the Father. My Creator. Your Creator. The Creator of ALL. How many times have I, personally, done the lather, rinse, repeat dance in my walk with Jesus? How many times have I committed the same sin, thinking “It’s fine. It’s just a tiny thing and it isn’t doing any harm.” I’m only talking about a “small” sin. However, in the Word of God, we’re told that a sin is a sin. A little sin is the same as a big sin. How many of us think that our sin is hidden or that it can be contained? It isn’t possible. Why? There are always at least 2 involved in the sin. You and God.

Luke 8:17 For nothing is secret, that shall not be made manifest; neither any thing hid, that shall not be known and come abroad.

The word, abroad, means be made known to all. Our sin will find us out. A great example of this is when Cain killed his brother Abel. Cain didn’t see God there. He thought it was just Abel and himself and so he let his sin nature take over and he killed his own brother over jealousy. However, he was NOT alone! Just above I wrote that there are always 2 involved in the sin? Cain thought it was just him. His brother was dead, so who was going to rat him out? He was in the clear. Free as a bird, and yet…

And yet...God WAS there. Could he be physically seen? No, however that doesn’t matter because we know God sees ALL. He was there, He was witness to the brutality of His child’s murder. He felt the pain of disappointment in his other child who committed the act. How did He react?

Genesis 4:9And the Lord said unto Cain, Where is Abel thy brother? And he said, I know not: Am I my brother’s keeper?

¹⁰And he said, What hast thou done? the voice of thy brother’s blood crieth unto me from the ground.

Not only did Cain kill his brother, he added lying to GOD as the cherry on top! God KNEW what Cain had done. He was giving Cain the opportunity to admit it. And yet…he didn’t take it. It was done in the dark, but God brought it to the light. He does that will ALL sin, even the smallest of them all. I often say that just as God has worked something out of me that doesn’t please Him, He starts on something else and that I’d just like a small break before the work starts again. Let me be real, these lessons aren’t painless. They hurt, make you cry, and make you doubt yourself. This process exhausts you, frightens you, angers you, and frustrates you. God is doing all of this to make us better people. To make us better servants to Him. To make us better wives, mothers, daughters, sisters, and friends. To be the best versions of ourselves. I once had a talk with a family member who I used to have long conversations with and, unfortunately, after I started growing in my faith those conversations are extremely rare and I miss them, dearly. During one of them we were talking and somehow we got to a point where we were talking about my faith and I quietly said, “I’m still me. I’m just a better version of me. Amanda 2.0.” It was after this phone call that I realized that this was the new normal for us and that’s something I have to accept, even though it’s painful. This falls under the painful, frustrating and angering department as listed above.

All I want afterwards is silence in my spirit for a bit, however the next lesson starts immediately. Huh…Interesting…I think I just got some insight God wanted me to have. As I wrote above, I also say…quite often…during Bible teaching or Church, that I would like a small break before He starts working on the next thing that’s within me that doesn’t bring honor and glory to Him. I say that because the process is hard and exhausting and I just want a small break. HOWEVER, I just realized that if, IF He allowed that, sin might grab a stronger foothold on my heart, my spirit. God is working in me to mold me into a woman who is pleasing to HIM and NOT me! I have nothing of value of this world with one exception, my devotion and desire to serve Jesus and be a light for Him to show others the way. I think…no…I now know….that if He were to allow that break I think I need, it would allow the darkness to creep back in, corrupting some of the work He and I have already done. I just had the phrase, “A rolling stone gathers no moss,” pop into my mind.

So! I guess I gotta be a stone that’s willing to keep rolling while God continues to work in my life and working into me all the qualities He wants me to have and removing those He doesn’t. No more LATHER, RINSE, REPEAT!!!

As always friends, seek to have a progressive spirit! One that is always yearning to grow towards Christ.

love

Aug13

LOVE

The following is an email I sent to my husband, Jeff, some time ago and after my email, you’ll be able to read his response to me. Hopefully you’ll be able to see why I say my ministry is to encourage women to be faithful and obedient in all aspects of life. So many non-Christians believe Christian women to be subservient to men; that we are to be silent, never have our own opinions…etc. This couldn’t be any further from the truth; IF you’re married to a true man of faith and is walking the true path Jesus and God the Father asks all of us to walk faithfully. I’m able to walk into the future with no fear, no anxiety, no despair as to what is in front of me. Why? Because I trust my husband and I know that he, like David, is a man after God’s own heart.

My email to Jeff

Hi honey. It’s 5:16 am and I’m just now lying down. I think I’ve become a little afraid to sleep. It’s one thing to have the night sweats every so often like I was, to now having them every night. Argh. I’m just so tired. I love you and am so very thankful for your love, understanding, support.

Love you,
Me

The following is Jeff’s email in return.

I love you more than I can explain in words, which you know I’m not very good at. However, permit me try to write a short story:

As Jeff was sitting at his computer at work he received an email from his wife who is struggling with numerous health issues that have persisted for almost eight years now. Needless to say it has taken a toll on both of them; their minds, their strength, their finances, even their social life, but it has never been able to penetrate the love they have for one another.

As he reads about her new found insomnia and drenching night sweats (trying to remember is it sweet or sweat) he can’t help but take a moment and pray for the countless blessings that God has given to both of them through these trials. Even though he suffers from panic attacks and anxiety brought on by the numerous trips to doctors, emergency rooms, and hospitals over the years, that make him feel like the proverbial “basket case,” he never once wavered from his love for his wife, his children, or his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

If Satan presented a challenge to the Lord to destroy his marriage and his love for the Lord and his wife; he certainly didn’t know what he was up against….but the Lord knew. If Satan sincerely knew the two of them he would have realized his challenge would have been fruitless. Not because they are mighty in the flesh, but because they are mighty in the Lord, something the both of them didn’t realize until they passed through the heat of the trial a few years ago. The Lord, however, knew all things from the beginning; to which Jeff said under his breath; Hallelujah!

As Jeff continued to type he started to wonder how bad is his grammar and how many spelling errors are racking up. “No bother,” he thought, “My wife will just laugh and correct them in her head as she reads them. Unless she wants to post it to Facebook then it will get corrected.”

So after a few moments of writing a short story to his wife, while shedding some tears in the process (and playing it off as having a cold to his co-worker in the room), Jeff once again said in his heart; “Thank you Lord for blessing me with a wonder woman of God, I would not be the man I am today if it wasn’t for her.” Again…shedding a tear or two while pretending that he is just yawning really hard causing his eyes to water. And then closing out his email he says;

I love you Amanda with all my heart.

The End 🙂

Jeff of course went back several times trying his best to correct his errors, but knew that Amanda would find a few here and there….that she would overlook because of her great love for him. Now….he’s done with the short story.

So, what does your love story look like? Does it look like ours? Ours looks like this because my husband loves me like Jesus loves his people, the Church. Just like Jesus I have no doubt that Jeff will lay down his life for me should it ever be needed. If your marriage doesn’t look like this, you may be asking yourself, “What do I do? My marriage doesn’t look like this and I want it to. How do I get it to look like that? What steps do I take?” Here are a few steps…1. Talk with your husband. Tell him how you feel and see if he feels the same. 2. Start praying and reading the Bible, DAILY. Do it by yourself and together; Remember, you’re a TEAM. 3. Find a Christian counselor to give you support. If you don’t feel comfortable going to a counselor then find a strong Christian married couple and ask them for their wisdom and support. My husband and I have done this for many couples in the past and it’s a wonderful blessing to help anyone who needs help. Don’t be afraid to reach out to people in your circle. God has you in His hands and He’s never going to take His eyes off of you.

WILL A CHANGE DO YOU GOOD?

Mar18

As I always tell people, I’m a transparent person. This isn’t always appreciated by people, however, and it’s taken me a long time to realize it’s better to share how I feel and what I’m struggling with rather than stuffing them deep down and pretending I’m fine when I’m not. Now that I’m honest and open, people have come to me, thanking me and sharing with me that they are struggling as well but they don’t feel like they can address what they’re going through with the people in their lives.

SO! Be forewarned, this will be a transparent post.

I was doing dishes the other night…yes, I know how to do dishes, I hide them in the oven just like my mom taught me when I was 5 and my grandparents were coming by and she didn’t have enough time to wash them. :o)

ANYWAY…(ADD rears its ugly head)…I was thinking about the changes that have occurred in our lives over the past year and a half. Changes that we didn’t want. Changes we would have BEGGED to be removed from us. Sadly, these were changes that we had to face.

We lost Jeff’s dad to cancer. David was a wonderful man; kind, thoughtful, always there when you called for him…even if it was at 3 am, in the winter, and you had a flat tire and you didn’t want to call your husband to get the kids out of bed…David was ALWAYS here for us. Without fail. I can’t think of a single time he said no to anything I asked of him.

So we had that change. Then our daughter decided she didn’t want to be in our home anymore. She didn’t want our rules. She wanted to do as she pleased and she didn’t want any consequences to her actions. So she left. Not in the best of ways. Some of you may know the devastation an event like this causes a parent.

I don’t do well with change. ANY type of change. I NEVER have. Why? I think it started when my grandparents sold their home to my mom and dad and moved to Florida. I was devastated and I don’t think I ever got over that completely. I loved my Papaw something fierce and he felt the same about me. My mom said I had him wrapped around my pinky. I did, but I only used that power to have him push me on my tricycle when I didn’t feel like pedaling. TRUE STORY! Well…there may have been another time…I did ask him to get me grapes when I was sick once. I wouldn’t eat when I’d get sick and it always upset him. He’d actually cry because he wanted me to eat so bad. It had something to do with I didn’t eat enough as a baby or something like that. So he’d beg me to eat and he’d name things that were in the fridge or he’d tell me to just name something that sounded good and he’d go get it if they didn’t have it. I tested it once and only once, and he did it. He went and got me grapes. I ate them. I hadn’t connected the dots but I was telling that story to Whit and she said, “OH!!! THAT’S why you do that!” I stared at her blankly. She said, ” Mama, when we’re sick and we won’t eat, you do the same thing to us. If we don’t have it, you go out and get it. Your Papaw taught you that!” The funny thing? Although they moved to Florida, he made sure to never miss a big event in my life. When I made it to summer state finals in swimming, he and Mamaw came so they could come to the event at the Nat. He picked me up for practice, every morning, for 2 weeks and then sat in the bleachers for 2 hours and watched me swim. After every practice, I told him he didn’t need to stay but he’d give the same answer every time, “Mandi, I love to watch you.” And watch me he did. He never brought a newspaper, never left the bleachers, he just watched me. Every time I stopped for the next set, I’d look up and his eyes were on me. When I got the scholarship to Germany, he made sure he and Mamaw were there to see me off. He slipped me a $50 and said, “Don’t tell Mamaw Sweetpea.” and then Mamaw slipped me a $50 and said, “Don’t tell Papaw.” He and Mamaw even drove to Orlando when they found out I was going to be there with a friend of mine visiting Walt Disney World to surprise me and just so we could spend a few hours together. They waited at the hotel but they decided to head back before it got too dark but they slipped a note under the door to our hotel room.

He passed away when I was a month away from turning 20. It felt like my soul was being ripped in two. I’ve described him as my umbrella in the storm and I can’t talk or write about him without crying. (don’t worry, they’re tears of happy memories and just wishing I could have had more time) He was a gentle soul who loved his family and he only raised his voice to me once. Why? A boy, who was a lot older than me, was talking to me and Papaw hollered at me to get my butt up to the house. Then I was told I wasn’t supposed to talk to boys. If he had his way, I’d never talk to boys, EVER!! :o) He and my husband are so very similar. Both are very patient, very rarely raise their voices, and love deeply.

Then, in 2006, my mom and dad sold the home my grandparents built and I was devastated. It was the only stable home environment I’d had for my entire life. It was like watching a piece of me being taken away…being amputated. I always thought that, well, I may not have him physically, but I can always walk into my childhood home, close my eyes, and see him, see the laughter I had with him and I wasn’t going to be able to do that anymore. Strangers were going to be living in a home that I’d loved for 31 years.

So, to me, CHANGE CAN BE AWFUL!!!

As I was doing those dishes, I started thinking about that and I thought, WHY does it HAVE to be awful??

So, I felt God nudging me to look at change from a different perspective. Maybe, when we don’t like change, we don’t like it because we focus on the NEGATIVE impact it has on us instead of realizing the POSITIVE impact it has on others.

My Wonderful Father-in-Law, David, went home to Jesus and the cancer isn’t hurting him any longer. POSITIVE: He’s healed! I KNOW that FAR outweighs the negative impact it’s had on me. I’ll never stop missing him, but I KNOW where he is and I KNOW I’ll see him again soon.

My Papaw and Mamaw moved to Florida so they could retire and not feel the cold in their joints anymore. (now that I have arthritis issues, I get it!) He also wanted a place to enjoy his retirement. He got to play golf every day if he wanted. He even made a hole in one and called me to tell me about it. I understood only ONE thing about golf which was; when you use Papaw’s golf clubs, tees, and golf balls, you have to pick up ALL the golf balls and put EVERYTHING back where you found it. So when he told me that, I said, “Papaw isn’t that the point? You’re SUPPOSED to get a hole in one EVERY time!” He just laughed and laughed at that one. He explained that wasn’t the case and that they were calling him, “Earl the Pearl” at the clubhouse. POSITIVE: They ENJOYED their retirement! They loved the weather, the amenities of the community they moved to and they were happy! I missed him like crazy but he made sure to be here for all the big things in my life.

When Papaw passed away from cancer, the POSITIVE was that he was no longer hurting. I don’t know about his faith but I have to believe that a man like he was, he HAD to have had the Spirit of The Lord in him. I truly believe I’ll see him again.

My mom and dad selling the home. I HATED it! I cried for weeks. I went and helped them get it ready to sell but then I’d go home and cry. But when I was doing my dishes I thought the POSITIVE was that my mom probably felt like she finally had her “own” home. I can understand that and I am so happy that my mom has that. She deserves that. She’s an amazing woman who’s done amazing things and she’s never asked for much for herself. This is a POSITIVE!

I’m still trying to figure out the positive with the other situation in our lives but I know, when it’s the Lord’s timing, it will be revealed. Until then, I’m going to try and remember to look at change from the aspect of what POSITIVE effect will it have on someone else’s life even though it may appear to have a negative effect on mine.

However, the biggest changes in any Christian’s walk with Jesus are when God removes things in our lives, in our hearts, that don’t reflect who He is. He must remove this junk because, in order for HIM to INCREASE, we must decrease. In fact, God’s Word tells us this.

John 3:30 He must increase, but I must decrease.

We must change. For me, it always comes back to one thing; I need to have a progressive spirit. A spirit that desires God. A spirit that desires Jesus to shine through me. A spirit that seeks the things of God and not the things of the world.

Do you feel that way? Do you think about change? If not, let me encourage you to think about it. Pray about it. Desire it. Then, when others see the difference in you, share WHY you’re different and, most importantly, WHO changed y0u. Share WHO removed your negatives and replaced them with positives. Share WHO helped you change your viewpoint.

Just be ready. When you allow God in, REALLY let Him in to work inside you, the changes won’t be easy. They’ll probably even hurt. You might lose loved ones because of your faith but please, stay the course. Following in Jesus’ path should be our focus. There’s an old hymn that I love and the chorus says,

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, Look full in His wonderful face, Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.

CHANGE YOUR VIEWPOINT!!!!!!!

WHAT’S OUR FOUNDATION? MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHO’S OUR FOUNDATION?

Oct18

It’s been a rough month here in the Sievertson household. First, all the trouble we’ve been having with our oldest daughter and then losing my husband’s father, an amazing man, David. We weren’t prepared for either of these events. Who could be prepared for such events as these? There is no handbook for these life events…or is there? Yes, yes there is. It’s called The Word of God. You can simply call it the Bible if you want the shorter version. :0)

I was sitting upstairs, trying my best to go to bed at a reasonable hour tonight; instead of 6 or 7 in the morning like I’ve been doing lately (Turns out, that when I’m stressed, I don’t sleep much.) and I had some major thoughts come to me. SO, I rushed right downstairs to capture them on here before I lost them. Which, let’s face it, is pretty likely to happen.

As I was sitting at my vanity, doing my nightly skin regimen, I was thinking about everything that’s happened in our lives in the past month. I thought about my foundation. About my strength. I thought about my ministry. About Hadassah. I haven’t been on here in awhile. Why? Because of the problems we’ve been having with our daughter. I didn’t feel “worthy” or qualified to lead other women when, apparently, I couldn’t even get through to my own child. Then, this past month, everything went nutso and I REALLY found out where I stand. I EXPERIENCED IT!!!

Remember when God told Abraham he had to sacrifice Isaac? Isaac, the seed that fulfilled the promise of making Abraham the father of many nations? God didn’t do this to see if Abraham would be obedient; not at all! This was purely for Abraham. This showed Abraham his faith. It showed him that his faith, his trust, his love, was completely in The Lord. He didn’t know how, but he knew that even if he took the life of his son, that God would and could bring Isaac back because God doesn’t break His promises. ABRAHAM EXPERIENCED HIS FAITH!! He learned, that even if he didn’t completely understand what was going on, he was relying on God. He was relying on God no matter what. He had complete trust, complete belief, complete love, complete FAITH in God his Father. God made him a promise and Abraham knew…he KNEW God would keep his word. AND GOD DID!!!

SO! Where do I stand? I stand with HIM! I stand with the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords. I stand with the great I Am. You see, at this point in my life, I’ve lived a Christian life for about 18 years. I’ve had faith. I’ve taught Bible studies, been a high school youth group leader, led in home Bible study groups, started this ministry, and done some guest speaking (which I’m praying I start doing more of because I know this is what God wants me to be doing). I’ve done all of that with faith.

This past month though? I’ve experienced, TRULY EXPERIENCED, my faith. I’m no longer going to be timid about my beliefs. THERE!!! I said it!!

Right about now, I’m sure some of you are saying, “HUH?? I’ve read her posts on Facebook and on here; she isn’t timid about her faith.”

Well, the truth is…I think I have been. You see, I’ve spent my life walking a pretty fine line; trying to not offend non-believers, yet at the same time, being as vocal about who I am as I feel I’m allowed to be. Well…no more. I’m me! I’m so tired of trying to please everyone. I only want to please ONE and He doesn’t reside here on Earth. His name is Father God. The Creator of ALL. I want to please Him, to walk as HIS Son, Jesus did while He was on this earth. I want to live as he lived. To be Jesus to all who meet me. To be vocal about my faith. To not back down just because someone doesn’t agree with me. This is going to be HORRIBLY tough for me because I can’t stand it if people are unhappy with me…but in reality, they aren’t upset with me…they’re upset with the One who sent me.

I have one thought that goes through my head often and I’ve repeated it to my girls often as well…If Jesus isn’t who He claimed to be, why is He so hated? Why?

Muhammad isn’t as hated. Buddha isn’t. The 33 million gods in Hinduism aren’t as hated. Only Jesus. The only ethnic group that’s ever been, repeatedly, tried to be expunged from the face of the earth is the Jewish Nation. If this was the only data I had to go on, it would speak volumes to me.

So, as I was thinking about all of this, I thought about Esther…as I typically do…and I thought about WHY it’s my favorite book of the Bible. It’s because, before she became Queen Esther, she was Hadassah. She was faithful and obedient before she became Queen and she was the same afterwards.

Then I thought about who she was…her qualities…her essence. Here’s what I thought…

She had a strong foundation. She had unshakable faith. Faith in her Lord, faith in her Uncle Mordecai, and faith in her new husband, King Xerxes. She was obedient. Obedient to her Lord, obedient to her Uncle Mordecai, and obedient to her husband, King Xerxes. She had compassion for her people, the Jewish Nation and wept for their imminent demise. She was fearless. She knew she took a great risk by going to the king when he didn’t ask for her. She knew, if he didn’t hold out his scepter, she would be killed and yet she went anyway. She didn’t hide her faith. When Mordecai asked for her help, she told him to ask the Jewish people to fast for her and she did the same with her maids.

I can learn a lot from Esther…Hadassah. This ministry, when first founded, was to help women be faithful and obedient in all aspects of life, but somewhere deep inside, I think I always thought I was supposed to gear it more towards women who have health issues. Tonight, God showed me that isn’t the case. This ministry, my ministry, GOD’S ministry, is to reach ALL women, no matter what their lives may be like at the moment. We, as women, need to embrace each other, lift each other up, support each other, and love each other. Most importantly? We need to share Jesus with each other. We share Him with the saved to encourage each other when we’re struggling and we share Him with the lost to show them the way to His mercy and forgiveness.

Let’s stop living a timid faith and live a HUGE faith. A faith that shakes the world around us. Who’s with me?